Speed dating

Yeah, you read that title correctly. I'm going to write about speed dating. Even better, I'm going to write about MY experience with speed dating. Be prepared to be amazed ;)

Speed dating, if you've only heard about the word but don't know what it stands for, is a way for a bunch of single people to meet other single people and determine if they would like to get in touch with any of the single people they meet at the speed dating event. They say you should know whether you've clicked with a person within the first few minutes of meeting them, hence the "speed" part. Speed dating was invented 10 years ago and if you do a bit of research, I'm sure you can find an event hosted in your area.

I went to my first speed dating event on Saturday. My friend Sarah wanted to give it a try and was looking for a partner in crime. I figured I could now check this off my list. Speed dating? Check! I live for new experiences. Sarah also invited her friend Candice. The three of us met at my place before stepping out, for a glass of wine and some chit chat.

At 7:30, we headed out to Juliet's Cafe in Kits. It's a small cafe probably popular with the locals but on Saturday night, it was empty but for a few nervous looking people. Interesting fact #1 about speed dating: girls attend with a least one friend (as we did), but guys show up alone. We were given name tags, a booklet to take notes and where you would identify your matches, and a free-drink coupon. Another glass of wine was certainly a good idea.

Interesting fact #2, as a woman, you get to sit your ass down for the entire event, as guys are the ones moving from one table to the other after each "date". A date is five minutes, and you figure out how much stuff you can really talk about in five minutes. But like they say, you know almost immediately if you are attracted to someone. Indeed, you do.

In total, I think I got to talk to about 12 guys, all between the ages of 30-40. We were all able to have pleasant conversations within the allocated time. Somehow, it's fairly easy to find at least one thing to talk about. Traveling, work, school, climbing... Out of 12 guys, I didn't pick a single match. Pleasant conversations don't necessarily mean that I found any of them interesting, intriguing, and I wasn't interested in seeing any of them for a second "date". Oh well.

Would I go to a speed dating event again? Probably not. First of all, there's a $50 price tag to the event. It seemed a little bit expensive for what you got. We did get one free drinks and some pretty terrible appies, but even then. I mean, $50 is far from the thousands of dollars you can pay to join professional match-making services (I am unfortunately not kidding), but then again, the selection of attendees is fairly random and only based on falling within an age range.

I didn't feel bad. After the event, Sarah, Candice and I went to Joey's on Broadway for some real food and to compare notes. Neither of us picked any matches. Welcome to Vancouver. A city full of beautiful, successful and independent single woman, and very little interesting single guys. If you ever wondered why I'm still single, here's your answer.

At least I'll be in top shape

I was recently introduced to the world of Facebook and now I'm realizing there's a lot of people on that network. Facebook is an online tool that lets you connect with former coworkers and schoolmates. You can create a profile and add people to your list of friends. By browsing the list of friends of your friends, you often end up discovering you know the same people. And you add these people to your list of friends. I call this viral networking. Unfortunately, I think my former friends from high-school are unlikely to show up on Facebook. I entered the name of the school and it returned lots of hits, most of them graduates from 06-07. I graduated high-school in 1991. Wrong generation. Facebook is also in English only, as far as I can see. Although most of my friends were bilingual, I think some might prefer a site in French. I did manage to find a friend I took the half-marathon clinic with last year. She recently got married. It was nice to hear about it, I had no idea!

I'm signing up for a few activities to keep me busy on weekends and evenings. The goal is to get out, meet people, and do things I enjoy, like kayaking. Hopefully this is also going to help me meet single men in Vancouver. Bars are not the right scene when you want to date and online dating is entertaining at best but it feels slightly like shopping for people. People in Vancouver enjoy the outdoors and physical activity, I enjoy the outdoors (and physical activity, to some extent) and as the weather is getting nicer, now is the time to plan for outings. On April 21, I signed up for a morning kayaking session at Granville Island. Nothing like getting back in a boat and paddling around. Hopefully I can find someone who would enjoy meeting for short kayaking trips now and then. I took a course some time back and really enjoyed it.

Also, on April 19, I'm taking an Intro to Climbing course at Cliffhanger. This is an indoors climbing gym located downtown, not too far from where I work. One of my colleagues has a friend who wanted to learn how to climb but didn't have anyone to try this with. It's easier to start with a climbing partner, especially if you learn together and can manage to meet once or twice per week to practice. I've been interested in indoors climbing for a little while but never went ahead and booked a course. Even when the classes start in May, I can set one evening aside for climbing (I just have to replace a session at the gym).

Even if I don't meet Mr. Right, at least I'll be in shape. Cool.

Shoot!

My cute former neighbor (sold about a year ago) dropped by to say hi and I answer the door in my PJs. My PJs with frogs. And big tube socks because my feet were cold.

Sexy ;)

I was studying, OK?

What is your life about?

I ran a little experiment this morning: I went back through one year of posts and added labels to find out what were the topics I would regularly talk about. The result was somewhat revealing. The #1 label for my posts? "friends", with 27 posts. Now that's good, it reflects how important it is for me to spend time with my friends. Now let's look at the other labels I've used frequently:

• "weather" (18): how Canadian ;)
• "sick" (17): remember the coughing, pneumonia? I think I didn't use that label for the seizure, as it doesn't feel like a sickness to me...
• "work" and "running" (16): I did run on a regular basis... last year. I won't even comment on the other label.
• "MBA" (15): that's pretty high, considering that I've been in school only five months out of the past year.

I'm sad to see the following labels getting really low scores:

• "pampering" (1): one facial. Period.
• "personal finances" (1): I did my income taxes. Period.
• "single life" (3): my last date was a long time ago. It wasn't that great.

You ask: why am I going through this exercise right now? Blame Lara. She came out for a walk with me yesterday (so beautiful outside) and we talked about work-life balance, relationships (she did all the talking there) and my failing miserably on a promise I made to myself a few years ago. My professional life is going really well, as I invest a significant amount of my time on my career and education. Which leaves no time for my personal life. And Lara said that I was purposefully keeping myself busy to avoid dealing with my personal life. OK, harsh, but not untrue. I told her I didn't know how to work on my personal life. I told her that working on my professional development was so easy, so straightforward, I naturally gravitated towards rational, structured, impersonal investments in myself.

A few years ago, she told me I had to make time to work on my personal life, stop cramming every day from morning 'till evening.

So yesterday, we talked about this again. Right now, I asked her? How am I going to make time right now? I'm too busy.

That's my point, she replied.

I understand. Except that I have no idea what to do about it, where to stop, where to cut. And honestly, I'm not really excited about the idea of dating. Call me jaded, but I haven't met anyone that really impressed me of lately. I feel that I've been mostly disappointed. But then again, I can't say that my sample can be statistically representative.

This is hard. Wanna talk about the weather?

On balance and support

Wow, it's really sunny outside! After lunch, I'm going out for a stroll along the seawall. I might even stop by Granville Island for a little food and window shopping.

Thank goodness it's the weekend, I had a busy week. But an interesting one as well. On Thursday morning, I was volunteering for the annual Women's Executive Network's Canada's Most Powerful Women: Top 100 event at the Terminal City Club. A few students (all women) from the MBA program were asked to help out. After helping with the setup (starting at 6:30 a.m.) and manning (or womaning?) the registration table, I had an opportunity to attend one of the sessions. It was titled Risk to Win: Take Uncharted Paths to Achieve Career Success. Each session was held as an open discussion with three or four panelists who were all winners in this year's Top 100. The discussions were loosely moderated, which made it a bit difficult to latch on to the points being presented (too many anecdotes). However, I did come out of this session with some questions of my own on balance.

One of the panelists was referring back to a discussion she had with her women (mostly executive) friends. She had asked them if they were to redo their lives all over again, what would they do differently. The unanimous response was "spend more time with their kids." Not that this was a surprise, but it made me realize how difficult it is to make the decision about how to balance your professional and personal (family) life. It also made me think how the path to try and "have it all" is unrealistic and somewhat selfish. Something's gotta give.

Fortunately, at this point in my life, I can allow myself to be selfish. Being single and having no kids means I can focus all my energy on my education and career. I've spoken to a few other students who are not in this situation, and have heard of how some of them are running into problems at home. I'm sure the fact that the MBA seriously cuts into any free time we might have does not help maintain healthy relationships.

Speaking of career, I must say that what I really appreciate about my current job are my coworkers. I've been fortunate enough to deal with people who are professional, respectful, and kind enough to give me advice (when I ask for it). Many of my coworkers are experienced managers and being able to discuss challenges openly makes me feel supported in my new position. I know I'm not "getting" everything or doing everything I should be doing, but if I feel I'm struggling with something, I have people to turn to. They also will kindly hint at my mistakes, without being judgmental. Well, at least not in my face ;)

OK, time for lunch, then a nice walk before hitting the books again.

It's actually nice to stay home one night out of the week

and Monday it is... Not that I'm doing anything exciting, mostly cleaning, laundry, dishes, figuring out what to do with the 200 e-mails in my Hotmail Inbox (that's a new record), replying to e-mails that are a few weeks old (sorry...).

And then the week insanity starts again. Tomorrow, I'm having lunch with Raf to chit-chat about our lives (hard to say anything when a man is spinning you around), then after work a Special General Meeting with the Strata to kick out the incompetent property management company, Wednesday is salsa, Thursday I'm signed up for bootcamp at lunch time and I have a date after dinner (yes, I figure I've been single for long enough now, I have an actual date for drinks at a cool place on Broadway, Bin 942), Friday is salsa again... I also need to get a few runs in. I never have to ask myself why I sleep so well.

Attraction

I've been going out a bit more these days, because the sun is back and it stays dry outside for more than 24 hours. The rain has a way of making you want to stay on the sofa with a movie, drinking a warm tea. There are salsa nights, cultural outings, girl's night out, and afternoon meetings for coffee. Bars are usually not my thing, never have been, which is curious since I worked in bars for many years. There probably lies the reason why I dislike them so much, I know the crowds that they attract and the lifestyle.

As a now single woman, I do look at the men that cross my path (or at least pay a bit more attention now) and I have to admit that so far, I've never come across someone who made me stop in my tracks, turn around, someone who caught my attention. I see a lot of good looking boys, with their messy hair and surfer looks (and attitude, dude), but I don't want to meet boys. I asked Lara the other day what she thought of the men in Vancouver. I know Lara's been scouting men for her best friend. We are both coming to the same conclusion: this city lacks attractive, interesting men who are not already dating, engaged or married.

Men also don't flirt here. That must be something that Montreal got us used to, where men have an easier time talking to women, smiling at them, just saying "Hi" where you walk pass them. Here, if you walk towards a man walking alone, he'll often lower his eyes or look elsewhere, at least until he's passed you.

Now, Charles beg to differ on our examination of the dating situation. For the price of a home cooked meal involving meat in the company of his girlfriend and alternate girlfriend (that's me), Charles will reveal the secret to attracting the type of men I am seeking but not finding. Because I am intrigued at what he will come up with and because he is leaving abroad for the next six months (for work), I had to take on his offer. I've also been meaning to cook a nice roast :-)

You never know, if his material is good and proves to be helpful, maybe I'll publish my own best-selling self-help book, specifically for the single women of Vancouver: Dating in the City of Glass.